RESISTING DIVISION IN YOUR HOME

Abraham Lincoln once said in a famous speech before the Civil War, “A house divided against itself cannot stand”.  When he said it he was quoting Jesus.  Jesus was talking about division.  And he made it clear that as the head of the house goes – so goes the house.  Jesus knew that no house could stand up to division from within.  One translation quotes Jesus saying, “A family splintered by feuding will fall apart”.

 

Feuding fosters division, and division separates.  Usually that separation is the result of a difference of opinion, which leads to disagreement and ultimately dissension.  While feuding is often loud and boisterous, the division that follows generally isn’t.  Division doesn’t usually attack suddenly.  It’s much more subtle than that.  Division sneaks in and quietly eats away at the fabric of our unity. It destroys from the inside out, a little bit at a time. It may start small, but if left unchecked it can destroy everything.   

There are many stages of division.  You may be newlyweds arguing over how the furniture should be laid out.  Guys, that’s an easy one to solve.  Do it the way your wife wants it, and move on to more important things.  Some stages of division are more difficult.  You may have been married for a while, but you are facing serious difficulties because you can’t seem to get together on the big stuff.  Or perhaps your home is already divided, by separation or divorce.  Whatever your particular case, there are similarities in the things that typically divide homes.  Like everything else, it usually comes down to priorities - what’s important to you, what your willing to compromise on.  In this series of Blog posts, we’ll look at some common ones, starting with:

Division over RESPONSIBILITIES.

Equal responsibility does not mean equal distribution of tasks.  I love it when I hear young couples – either engaged to be married, or newlyweds – talk like this: “We’re going to split the responsibilities right down the middle.  I’ll do half the cooking, half the cleaning, half the maintenance, half the bill paying, half the homemaking, and he’ll do the other half”.  Maybe that actually works in some homes, but I’ve never seen it myself.

People are good at different things.  Leslie cleans up 100% of the cart barf in our house.  I do 100% of the power-washing and grass-cutting.  For 21 of our 29 years of marriage, Leslie has done 100% of the homemaking, while I’ve done 100% of the money making.  I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve washed the dishes in the last year.  That’s just the way it is. I don’t remember the last time Leslie repaired a flat tire.  It was probably about the same time I put scented candles and potpourri in the bathrooms.  I watch 96% of the boxing viewed in our home and 4% of the chick flicks.  Leslie writes 100% of the ‘Thank You’ cards, and does 3% of the construction tasks.  I’m good at certain things.  Leslie’s good at certain things.  We work together not by equally sharing tasks, but by maximizing our areas of strength and managing our areas of weakness.  I manage my area of weakness concerning cat barf by not looking at it.  Leslie manages her area of weakness concerning grass cutting by reminding me how long it’s getting.  (Truth be told, I love cutting the grass…she probably doesn’t feel the same way about the cat barf.  I have a great deal.)

Division over responsibilities usually occurs for one of two reasons:

1. Unrealistic expectations of each person’s contribution (don’t worry, those expectation become a lot more realistic after a few years.  Stick together.  You’ll “learn” each other); and
2. Misunderstandings about each other’s strengths and weaknesses (we’re just not that good at everything, and that’s okay.  God made us different so we could cover a lot of ground.  If we had the same strengths and weakness, some things would NEVER get done, and some things would simply be OVER-DONE).      

Here’s a great exercise to ward off the insidious power of division: Celebrate the diversity of gifts in your home!  We have different gifts, according to the grace given us.  Romans 12:6