Now that the first half of November 2011 is officially in the books, I am beginning to come out of the fog enough to talk about this past 'Rocktober'. That is not a phrase I use for every October. Nope. 'Rocktober' only seems to come once every 5 to 7 years. But for reasons I have never been able to figure out, all of the monumentally big, difficult, drastic, or otherwise annoyingly huge and distracting changes in my life (and Leslie's life - because we're one flesh), happen in the month of October, hereinafter to be referred to by me as 'Rocktober', not because it's cool and involves multiple bands from the '80's, but because every time it happens, it absolutely ROCKS our lives and our world.
Maybe you have something similar in your life, where despite your best efforts, some eerily familiar season of your life rolls around and you know you're in for it. Now for those of you that were always the biggest or toughest kid in school, this next part probably won't resonate with you, but it bears saying that the way 'Rocktober' feels to me is the same way I felt when I was in the 7th grade, in my 6th period English class with Mr. Benevidas, when Denny Thomas, the kid in the desk next to me leaned over and said, "Jeff Montano saw you look at his grilfriend and he's going to rearrange your face on the bus after school. Get ready for a fight." And your stomach drops to your feet for fear, not so much fear of getting beat up, but fear that there's absolutely no way to get out of getting beat up. After all, no one was ever afraid of a punch after it landed. It's the anticipation and uncertainty that really gets you.
What is at the heart of 'Rocktober'? It's CHANGE, man. C-H-A-N-G-E. And it's not that change is bad. Fundamentally, change is good, and I totally embrace it as such. But - and you know this - the anticipation and uncertainty of a looming change (whatever that change is to you) can absolutely peg your freak-out meter. Know what I mean?
Every time 'Rocktober' comes for me, it brings with it sweeping change. Sometimes job-related, sometimes relationship related, sometimes geographic, but in every case, it is something that somehow I was completely unprepared for (either by Divine Providence, or some ommission on my part that God used to bring it), and every time it happens (thank God it's only once ever 5 to 7 years) it totally owns me.
This 'Rocktober' wasn't about a geographic change, or moving to a new church, or even changing jobs. It was about some fundamental changes in the way I approach the business of my life. It was about adding discipline to a certain area of my life that was lacking it. And it hurt like a mother. Honestly, I felt beat up from the inside out.
But...(and thank God for big buts) with the bruising of this particular 'Rocktober' comes the cleansing.
"Behold, happy is the man whom God corrects;
therefore, do not despise the chastening of the Almighty.
For He bruises, but He binds up;
He wounds, but His hands make whole" (Job 5:17-18).
This 'Rocktober' forced me to take some measures that have changed my relationship with forecasting, long-range planning, financial programming, and pragmmatic decision-making. It needed to happen, and it came about because I put it off for as long as I could. But truly, the specifics of my 'Rocktober' are not really all that important. Because it's really not about what you're going through that's important. It's the lesson-learned and the action taken moving forward.
For me, life is ALWAYS better after 'Rocktober'. Every time it happens, it's as if my life is literally propelled forward into the next season. And it's ALWAYS good, not just for me, but for EVERYONE around me. In fact, I have found that the harder 'Rocktober' is, and the longer it lasts, the better things are for me and those I'm called to influence. And it's not just because it stops hurting, it's because you learned something about yourself during the beating. And you got to see again how much God loves you. And how He loves you too much to allow you to ignore important things.
So let me ask you (not, have you ever experienced something like 'Rocktober, or how do you deal with big changes, or did you ever get beat up in the 7th grade, but instead, more specifically):
What are you ignoring?
What are things in your life that you need to deal with?
What have you put off confronting because you're afraid?
Epilogue: Jeff Montano only threw one punch. It landed on my cheek. I'm pretty sure it hurt his hand more than it hurt my face. I just sort of stared at him and didn't move afterward. He looked real confused. I think the bus lady took him to the Principal's office. I remember he cried. When we were in high school he apologized to me.
'Rocktober" is over for me. But the hard work of making meaningful, forward-looking, positive changes has just begun. Feels good, though. Do it. Peace.
